Lives Removed - 200 Words

Saturday, 1 May 2010 at 22:28
A halcyon day of sun that felt like a half painted image of children having fun. The steam rising from the tarmac created an horizon of vapour and fuzz. Before the North Sea turned the green/brown mix like rotting tea in a mug the little girl was able to play, with her brother until the sun shrouded by a milky cloud skulked behind a passing freight ship like a bowling ball rolling from the pier ahead.
Early evening, same as any other holiday evening consisted of food on the go before her parents took the girl and her brother to a pub on the seafront. As she looked through the 1950s louvered windows she saw the beginning of a tar and smoke fix sticking to the window through the growing condensation. It started to rain. No surprises.
The other children, those out there, must have been dead by the time the rain and wind hit the pier. Like the girl and her brother, they watched the sun go down but didn’t have some food on the go; instead they played. Though the coming storm, tide and current may have took their lives, I believe those children play on.


  1. Slightly difficult to read, but touching and haunting nonetheless.

  2. Vero Says:

    Thanks! As you can probably tell by the poor grammar... I knocked it together quite quickly, well, in a couple of hours. How could I make this better do you think, Aidoru?

  3. Ren Says:

    I agree, I like where you start to take me but I think you have to many metaphors and similes in places, its like information overload! nice and shocking, like the horror comes through quite callously/cold/detached.

    Very good.

  4. Vero Says:

    mmmm, thank you Pete. I think...

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